Napolean Hill

The Most Important Person You Haven’t Met Yet

Let me ask you a few questions.  If there was one person in the world you could meet and your entire life would turn around, who would it be? What would they be able to provide you with? How would your life be different? Just think about these questions for a moment. Sit and ponder them. And whenever you’re finished thinking about those questions (and maybe spending some time reflecting in your journal) keep on reading and you’ll see how you will come to meet that very person very soon.

The other day I was listening to some old audio cassette tapes from the 1980’s by Napolean Hill and W. Clement Stone entitled Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude. Though these tapes are ancient, they are the furthest thing from obsolete. It’s amazing how the laws of success and happiness are timeless. There’s something very satisfying about putting a cassette tape into a tape player and hearing the “click” right before it starts playing. Then when the tape is finished- flipping it over to listen to the other side. While I’m listening to these I sometimes imagine other greats like Tony Robbins, Sylvester Stallone, Jack Canfield and Marc Benioff listening to these same personal development cassette tapes decades ago. I use these old school cassette tapes as a form of learning. I have them playing in the background when I’m cooking dinner or brushing my teeth or cleaning the house. I see it as learning through osmosis. Though I am not taking notes and intently listening to every word- they are becoming deeply ingrained in my unconscious mind. Think about who you would be and where your life would be if you had the belief system and model of the world of Napolean Hill, Tony Robbins or W. Clement Stone. 

It was just the other day when I was listening to this tape by Hill and Stone and this one story jumped right out at me and caught my attention- so much so- that I had to rewind the tape and listen to it another two times! Here is story:

A lesson learned from a child. There is a wonderful little story about a minister who, one Saturday morning, was trying to prepare his sermon under difficult conditions. His wife was out shopping. It was a rainy day and his young son was restless and bored, with nothing to do. Finally, in desperation, the minister picked up an old magazine and thumbed through it until he came to a large brightly colored picture. It showed a map of the world. He tore the page from the magazine, ripped it into little bits and threw the scraps all over the living room floor with the words: 

“Johnny, if you can put this all together, I’ll give you a quarter”. 

The preacher thought this would take Johnny most of the morning. But within ten minutes there was a knock on his study door. It was his son with the completed puzzle. The minister was amazed to see Johnny finished so soon, with the pieces of paper neatly arranged and the nap of the world back in order. ‘Son, how did you get that done so fast?” the preacher asked. “Oh,” said Johnny, “it was easy. On the other side, there was a picture of a man. I just put a piece of paper on the bottom, put the picture of the man together, put a piece of paper on top, and then turned it over. I figured that if got the man right, the world would be right.” The minister smiled, and handed his son a quarter. “And you’ve given me my sermon for tomorrow, too,” he said. “If a man is right, his world will be right. ” There’s a great lesson in this idea. If you are unhappy with your world and want to change it, the place to start is with yourself. If you are right, your world will be right. This is what PMA is all about. When you have a Positive Mental Attitude, the problems of your world tend to bow before you. 

 

I hope by this point it has been revealed to you that your ‘future you’ is the most important person you haven’t met yet.  Jim Rohn used to say something very similar to what Hill and Stone were preaching when he said, “if you want life to change, you’ve gotta change. If you want life to get better, you’ve gotta get better. It’s the only way it happens. Luck shows up for people and it leaves them. But if you’re constantly improving who you and what you give- GAME OVER!” 

There are two relationships, two types of communication- that if you master these two- success, happiness and fulfillment is unlimited to you in the future. The first is your relationship with yourself. The second is your relationship with the outside world. However there is a caveat here. 99% of people try to master their relationship with the outside world. They seek approval, love, significance and acceptance from other people and the rest of the world. You may even be able to get this love and acceptance from others just by working to elicit reactions and responses from others and the outside- all while paying no focus to the first relationship (your communication with yourself). Most of our world employs this strategy. That is why we have a society full of posers, followers and people pleasers. I would argue that the issue with this externally focused approach is that it doesn’t lead to fulfillment because you are not expressing your truest nature.  If our greatest fulfillment is ultimately who we become- then how fulfilled and satisfied will we be when we spend our lives being a hostage to the love/approval and reactions of those around us?  As a mentor of mine has told me on a few occasions, “it is far better to be the right person, than to find the right person”. 

Robbin Williams, Chris Farley and John Belushi are great examples of men who mastered their communication with others and the outside world but had no relationship with themselves. They were loved, adored, accepted and very talented individuals. No one from the outside would have thought that they had a troubled internal world.  It is sad to say but they never mastered their internal communication, their relationship with themselves. They in fact neglected to even consider their relationship with them self. 

This is why the most important relationship and communication you can have in this world is the one with yourself. It should be prioritized over your relationship with the outside world- which even includes your family, relatives and friends. Without a compassionate and loving relationship with yourself, your life will be a constant struggle and suffering is guaranteed. Even better is that once you begin to master your internal communication and your relationship with yourself- your relationship with the outside world and other people takes on the same form. If you have a loving and compassionate relationship with yourself, then you will also have that same relationship with other people and the outside world. Yes, the simplicity and beauty of it. THE WORLD IS A MIRROR.

Yes, The world is a mirror. What do I mean by this? Generally speaking, the world we experience externally is nothing more than a mirror image and an identical representation of our internal world. This might sound trite, probably cliche and possibly boring. Yet this one metaphor applies to so many different facets of our human experience on this earth that perhaps you might get one new distinction out of this, that in turn will result in a 1% change. And that 1%, which right now seems meaningless, compounded over the course of days, months, weeks, years and decades- could be the difference in millions of dollars, a better family life or more fulfilling relationships.

So what does the metaphor “the world is a mirror” even mean?

The first way that this is practical is that you will always receive what you give out in world. If you are constantly giving love and kindness to the world, that is exactly what you will receive. It even goes for money too. The more money you give away, the more it will come back to you. So you don’t have to worry about whether or not you’ll get it back- just fucking give. The same is true for negative emotions and behavior.  Why is it that depressed people keep getting negative outcomes in their life? Because they are giving virtually nothing and looking to get everything. I think Wayne Dyer’s quote sums it up best (which I might have written about in a past post: 

“When you squeeze an orange, you’ll always get orange juice to come out. What comes out is what’s inside. The same logic applies to you: when someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, or says something unflattering or critical, and out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, tension, depression, or anxiety, that is what’s inside. If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, change your life by changing what’s inside.”

The second way in which the world is a mirror involves the way we view other people and our relationships with other people. Think of a time when you saw someone or met someone who you didn’t like or you believed to be “beneath you”. Maybe they were not as rich as you or not as good at something as you. And you instantly compared yourself and put yourself above them. Ironically, in this very moment you were doing nothing more than uncovering the way you really feel about yourself. When you think about others poorly and treat others poorly, that is truly a reflection of the way you treat yourself and think about yourself. You don’t see the world as it is, you see the world (and others) as you see yourself. Be conscious of this. Whenever you are being critical of someone, you are truly being critical of yourself. So when you look down on someone and consider them inferior, you are really expressing your own feelings of inferiority. The same goes for if you feel like you are perfect and you constantly are condemning others and their ways. This is just a grandiose situation of smoke and mirrors. In reality, you are projecting your feelings about yourself onto everyone else in the world you may come into contact with. That is why accepting everyone else (and everything) as they are is an incredibly powerful practice- because you in turn are accepting and loving yourself for exactly who you are. 

To nail down this point, there is a Hindi word- Genshai (GEN-shy). It means that you should never treat another person in a manner that would make them feel small. That means a rival, a homeless person or even a kid. IT EVEN MEANS YOURSELF. We spend so much time in self deprecating sub-vocalized self talk, belittling ourselves is almost like a full time job for us and we don’t even realize it. We’re on automatic, we’re not even conscious of it. Look to treat everyone you come into contact with- with dignity, respect and love. Can you find something good within everyone? I wonder what your life would look like and feel like to live with such unconditional love for all people. 

Perhaps this sheds some light on the animosity, resentment or the critical nature in which you may be operating with in your life. One strives so hard and diligently for success and sees everything as cutthroat competition. As a result, we are constantly making comparisons and negative appraisals of other people. Ultimately this pattern of thought and behavior is creating deep feelings of inadequacy and insecurity within our self. Take competition, judgment and criticizing out of one’s life and the world is their oyster. The wellsprings of success, wealth, love, joy and abundance open up and flow endlessly. Once this awareness is cultivated, the freedom to live fully and love fully becomes realized. 

The third point of discussion I find relevant has to do with how our world rewards altruism as well as loving and serving others. If your intent is only to serve yourself and only do things for your own gain, then you will only reap a limited reward. If your intent is to serve your family, you will reap a greater reward and a greater level of insight. If your intent is to help your community, you will gain an even greater level of insight and reward. AND if your intent is to serve humanity and contribute massively to mankind and everyone on this planet, then the amount of insight and reward you will receive in return is infinite. It is unlimited. 

Even when you are selfish and only looking out for yourself, it often times still tends to help someone else in some way. When the bumblebee goes from flower to flower to get nectar- it drags pollen along and fertilizes the flowers. It doesn’t try to, but it is contributing to the creation of life out of it’s own selfish act. With that being said- life serves more of what serves life. Everything has a web of connection. Reflect on this. Motive does matter. We will do a lot more for other people than we will ever do for ourselves. 

On a closing note, James Allen in As A Man Thinketh wrote something that illustrates this concept perfectly:

“Man is made or unmade by himself, in the armory of thought he forges the weapons by which he destroys himself.  He also fashions the tools with which he builds for himself heavenly mansions of joy and strength and peace”.

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How Batman and Abraham Lincoln Can Change Your Life

In the world of film and cinema a “character actor” is best described as an actor that dedicates a portion of his life to learn everything about the person he is playing in his upcoming film. He then completely dedicates his entire life to learning and adopting the behavior, looks, mannerisms, speech, personality and practically everything about the character he is playing in the upcoming film.  It is quite a radical approach to acting. Daniel Day Lewis might be considered the greatest character actor of our generation. He played Abraham Lincoln in the movie Lincoln. He absolutely embodied Abraham Lincoln in every regard. You might be asking why I am talking about this cinematic concept of the ‘character actor’.  Maybe this example of the character actor will make my point a little clearer. Heath Ledger played the role of the Joker in the Batman movie The Dark Knight in 2008 and soon thereafter took his own life. Some speculate that his suicide was a result of him over-identifying with his role as the Joker.  Though there is no concrete proof of this and nor will there ever be a verdict on such a speculation, let’s take a deeper look at this process that a character actor undergoes in preparing for his role. 

For months (probably well over a year to be more accurate) leading up to the Dark Knight, Heath Ledger played his role of Joker 24/7 in order to really fully embody it and perfect it. Some might see this as harmless fun- sure. But what was he really doing? What is really going on here? He was learning an entirely new “way of being”- a totally different beingness.  He was 100% embodying a villain that had maniacal beliefs and lethal intentions. He was practicing over and over again- being sinister, dishonest, violent and slippery.  Through all the months of rehearsing this and practicing this new set of beliefs, behaviors and expressions- one can’t help but to think that he had wired this new identity to his nervous system so strongly that he actually in some ways became the Joker.  If this is true, then it is no surprise that he fell into a deep depression. He probably had an existential identity crisis and couldn’t look at himself in the mirror after seeing who had become. The shame must had been enormous. 

Obviously it is not confirmed that Health Ledger committed suicide as a result of his role of playing the Joker, however I think that this example of a ‘character actor’ can be an effective metaphor for understanding the nature of identity, beingness and personal development.  Simply put, what Heath Ledger did in preparing for the role of the joker (rehearsing and practicing a way of being and an identity) is the same exact process as what we are doing as humans all the time- we just aren’t conscious of it. We are always anchoring something to our nervous system and conditioning (learning) some behavior, thought pattern or emotional reaction (ultimately a way of being). As long as we are breathing and conscious- we are rehearsing some unique beingness. This is good news and bad news. Let me start with the bad news. The bad thing about this is that 97% of the human race is conditioning into their nervous systems shitty and did-empowering states like fear, anxiety, depression, resentment, etc.  On the other hand, the good news is that if we wake up from our trance, we can actually take control of our conditioning and begin to move in the direction of who we actually want to become.

By now you might be asking the question- “well since Heath Ledger and Daniel Day-Lewis are actors- aren’t they just acting?” Yes of course they are actors, but they differentiate themselves from other actors because they embody their role to the fullest and let that become a part of their identity for some finite amount of time. Isn’t this precisely what we are doing as humans? We are doing nothing more than acting and then creating a story around our acting so it forms a set beliefs about ourselves aka an ‘identity’ or ‘personality’. This is kind of screwed up right? Maybe, but what’s even more screwed up is how we as humans tend to  “act” in such an incongruent way that our nervous system is tied up like a pretzel.  Yes the vast majority of us are UNCONSCIOUSLY being just like a character actor.  We are always conditioning some pattern into our nervous system whether we like it or not.  However the patterns we are wiring in are likely to be incongruent- pulling us hard and jolting us in opposite directions.  Love, joy and peace are pulling us in one direction while fear, shame and anger pull us in the other direction. No wonder we can’t get anything accomplished. We are “acting” out a role of pure incongruence.  Then when we don’t get the results we want in life- we beat ourselves up over it and add even more shit to our giant shame sandwich.  Think about it- we have the unique power to visualize and determine who we want to become as a person. We can visualize that person, step into that person and with enough practice we can begin to embody that person.  Then after months and years of practicing this way of being and ‘acting like this person’- we will actually become this person. This is a beautiful thing if you see it for what it is. Some people might see this phenomenon as dark or manipulative or against God’s will. I see it as a huge opportunity. You have to choose wisely who you want to become. Because you could become a complete asshole. You could also come to understand that you have the unique power to serve, heal and love to an exponential degree. You could also not choose and let your life unfold on a ‘default’ setting.  This is how 97% of society operates and they turn out to be fat, broke, divorced and depressed.  Why is this? Because they are conditioning mixed messages into their nervous system at all times. They have mixed associations to everything. This keeps them in no mans land- never really happy or never really sad, never really successful or never really a complete failure. Do you see the predicament in not making a conscious choice about who you are to become?

 So what I am proposing is that we have the unique power to decide our destiny- to make a decision about the person we are going to become. And once we make this decision, we can rehearse it daily, step into it, embody this person and ultimately become this person. Create such a crystal clear image in your mind of this person you wish to become and overlearn the shit out it. This will completely shift your way of being and the great news is that it is entirely an inside job. Regardless of what kind of feedback the external environment is giving you- you can continue to be this person and condition this way of being into your nervous system until it becomes automatic and you become unconsciously competent at being the person you want to be. And once you become that person, it’s not like the process stops- you just continue to grow and integrate more fully.  I see this approach and understanding to personal development as highly practical and an ideal combination of Maxwell Maltz (Psycho-Cybernetics), Milton Erickson, Richard Bandler, John Grinder, Tony Robbins, Napolean Hill (Think and Grow Rich), Joe Dispenza (Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself) and Alex Loyd. (Beyond Willpower) 

 

Now this leaves you only one question…

 

WHO DO YOU WANT TO BECOME? choose wisely, however make the choice, or someone else will for you. Or as Jim Rohn liked to say, “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.”